Becoming a Death doula
My journey started at the age of two when my grandma was supposed to die from smoking complications. There is a story about me - my large brown eyes peering up and across my grandmother’s bed at her while saying “it die grandma, it die”. I can remember looking at her and knowing what death was. Then at age nine my father suddenly passed away and I did not feel any peace in that unknown. He died in his country of Mexico without me present.
My grandmother managed to pull through and died 25 years later in 2020. I was there with her and able to say goodbye a few days before her passing. We gathered around her body in her home, in that same bed she lay in when I was two years old. It was a beautiful thing and I felt what “a peaceful death” could be. I had started to hear about “death doulas” in 2022. I was instantly interested in this concept and felt a deep understanding of why they are an important part of someone’s life. I finally started my training in August 2025 - it was a a lot of exercises and reflection on my own mortality. It clicked just as I thought it would and gave me more courage to start my own practice.
After training, I notice the pull of death that death has on us. You either fight it or you accept it. I have talked about becoming a death doula to many folks who ask what I am about, it has prompted many great conversations. I have even begun to help a close person in my life prepare for their own death. I have since helped lead a grief group and felt the power in talking about the loved ones who have passed on. I have talked to many folks about their loses, it’s something very near to my heart. I have noticed my own peace with death and I am getting more serious about my own preparations.
I have learned how to talk about death and related topics. I have held more compassion and understanding for my own grief, this alone has taught me so much about myself. I have learned what death cafes are, and am actively pursuing them.
I have reflected on the fact that I will die one day and what my dreams are. Things take time, but in order to finish things there must be momentum. Life can only begin when we fully accept the end of it. I learned that having an idea of what you want when you die can bring an immense peace to your life. I have also learned that it doesn’t have to be done alone.
-Sagan
